Challenging

In group, S talked about Kübler-Ross grief cycle, and how it was relevant to our situation now. That seemed quite strange at the time, but, I am seeing the connection. A loss of anything that you regard as important or significant (my relationship with food in this instance) will begin this cycle and often without discussing it, you can be unaware. What I did not know before, despite learning about grief and bereavement as a nurse, is that that it does not(as I believed previously)happen in stages, but a spiral effect (she drew a picture that looked a bit like a whirlwind or tornado),where all the feelings of denial,anger,bargaining,despair and acceptance all overlap and hopefully lessen and lessen as time passes.

Now, I am no way likening a diet to the loss of a loved one (I have some sense!)but it is a helpful model in order to rationalise some very extreme responses

Day 16 was fine, really thought I had cracked it, no cravings or feelings of major deprivation. Good BSL lesson and no lapses

Day 17 - Friday
During the day all was well, by 7.30pm I was DEMONIC
I sat in the bath crying huge wet baby tantrum tears, hurled unkind words at my confused
husband and actually slammed my fists into the water!

But I don't really know why

I was certainly not hungry or thirsty ...... I guess I still associate the weekends with wonderful indulgences, and that fantastic feeling of reckless behaviour.

I know that I must find a replacement, but nothing right now measures up to that ceremonial glass of wine and take-away followed by more wine, more wine and more wine

Tonight will be similar, but not quite as bad.

I may take up needlepoint

Truly dreadful film last night The Specialist (nothing special about this I can honestly say )
Sylvester (one very lonely brain cell) Stallone (he seems to be popping up a lot at the moment ) Sharon (famous for flashing her once) OTT mafia/mobster type family (very poor impersonations of the godfather blokey) and a borderline porno scene in the shower at the end (Stallone should forget the speaking roles and stick to showing his butt )