Juliette's Lighter life

update!

2009-08-19T09:56:21+02:00

wow! so much has happened and time has literally flown by.
It is a year and 2 months since the end of my lighter-life journey and I have gained 6lbs since which I fully expected to happen. I am still a size 8 and extremely glad that I decided to change my life in that way.
I am undergoing teeth straightening with a brace.
I have a new job due to my soaring confidence and am now ward sister on a busy surgical unit and all the dashing about certainly helps to keep me trim!
I would never have had the confidence to go for the position before and am thrilled!
my finest moment was a ladies night where I wore a beautiful black strapless gown and loved having my photo taken at long last
(its only taken 39 years!! )
but I am not complacent and realise that I must keep on top of my positive outlook and determination.
If you are reading this to help you to decide yes or no to lighter-life - its a YES YES YES!!!!
Slim doesn't = happy, but for me it's helped my confidence thus = happiness and a bigger world!
my husband is happy cos i'm happy and it's had a knock on effect for our children
this is juliettedreams signing off as I am needed on the ward!
bye bye and have happy lives too

Comments

Feeling good!

2008-07-30T15:49:09+02:00

Week 8 Day 4 RTM

I know.....so much for keeping up with the blog

We have just got back from a fab week in Scotland It was my sister's 40th and my niece's 8th birthday while we were there.
15 of us in total..and where there are many folk there is much food!

As the weather was gorgeous we had BBQ's most evenings which was great for me, but as we all know with the best laid plans.......

To cut a long story short I did deviate or lapse or cheat (whatever)(10 glasses of wine...birthday cake...thai food....shortbread ) but in comparison to my eating habits of old I was actually very good and the lapses were controlled.

It was so much fun and a big reward for all these months of being so strict with food and drink.

I dragged myself to group yesterday (literally) expecting really bad news from the scales (my pal went to Portugal for a week and gained 10 lbs ) so was very very pleased to be told that I had gained only 1.6 lbs

So I have proved to myself that I have learnt some stuff over the last 6 months and I am very happily totally back on track

Current weight is 53kgs size 6/8

I have another week off so I am being lazy and happy in my skin!

Comments

AWOL

2008-07-10T09:58:42+02:00

Week 5 Day 5 RTM

Good grief! cannot believe that I have been AWOL for so long *slaps self repeatedly

Big Brother has to shoulder some of the blame for my absence >" class="middle" border="0"> sad but true!

So..... diet wise it's been up and down all the way as I was warned it could be and most probably would be

So far it's gone like this
Week 1 3.5lbs off
Week 2 1.3lbs on
Week 3 1.6lbs on
Week 4 2.8lbs off
Week 5 2lbs on

So I am pulling myself WAY back into line this week and Increasing the activity levels.
Still drinking 3 litres of water every day

It's far too easy without the structure of abstinence to think a little bit won't matter when it was 'a little bit' that got me in the mess I was in 6 months ago

Week 5 was alcohol week and I m pleased to say that it didn't really float my boat
I actually felt quite unwell for a couple of hours after 2 glasses of white wine! (used to be able to sink a bottle on a night out with Sarah )

My friend and I both agree that portion control is a big issue so hopefully my LL counsellor will be able to help with that.

I am still attending weekly meetings but out of the whole starting group of 15 there are only 3 of us still on the programme

I am chuffed to bits with my weight loss of 3 stones 11lbs >" class="middle" border="0"> and I am DETERMINED to learn how to maintain that......like any new skill it's very tricky to begin with!

On the life front we are probably looking to move within the next 6 to 12 months. My hubby wants to build a house for us from scratch so I need to prepare myself for life in a mobile home for a couple of years (jus' call me Britney )
We don't know where yet but possibly further north.
We have had enough of scrambling round the Surrey hamster wheel and I can work anywhere as a nurse. The children have another year before they start senior school so it seems like it's now or never.....

I am waiting in the interim for an application form for a senior staff nurse post in Post anaesthetic care at our local hospital and can't wait to move on, so everything crossed please guys

I refuse to discuss the rain

All I will say is that we are going up to Scotland for a week with family and friends next Sunday
It cannot rain
:-[" class="middle" border="0">

I will endeavour to post something here every week and keep an eye on you lot at the same time!

Comments

Temptation,resistance,awareness & Trident sugar free chewing gum

2008-06-21T16:47:31+02:00

Day 6 Week 2 RTM

So it's exactly a week since I lost the plot and now I am hearing the part of my pea-brain that attempts sabotage at every opportunity loud and clear

The difference is...this time I know what is going on even if I don't know why....

After a bizzare conversation with a borderline nutcase pal of mine, we decided that if this part of my psyche had an identity, it would be easier to deal with.

Therefore...the little blighter buried deep within my consciousness was christened MURDOCH >" class="middle" border="0">

Why Murdoch? no idea....just popped into my head

And Murdoch has been relentlessly goading me for most of the day,my body sat-nav appears to have been set for KITCHEN via ANYYTHING SWEET,STARCHY AND YUMMY " class="middle" border="0">

The good news is that I have been able to shut the little tosser up without any bother

Haven't taken to talking back to him out loud....but there's plenty of time for that

Had to have all my coping strategies in place last night as Hubby cracked open a bottle of my favourite wine accompanied by a bar of Galaxy

I was fine resisted efortlessly(ish) and proud of myself!

Have fallen in love with fat free greek yoghurt (used to hate it but now it's almost better than sex)
and vanilla splash sugar free gum this week

If I feel a bit shaky (when Murdoch starts whispering in the old shell like) I just pop one in >" class="middle" border="0">

Only problem is....my jaws really ache now

I would like to take this opportunity to send a massive virtual hug to Jacobite if I may

Ps.am thinking there is something rather peculiar about the latest addition to the BB house maybe a woman in a previous life???

Hmmm...

Comments

Floodgates opened

2008-06-18T12:23:19+02:00

Day 3 Week 2 RTM

I have never been a great believer in the whole group therapy scenario
but I am pleased to report that I have been wrong about that!

Last night was my weekly weigh-in and I went through the motions of greeting the other group members as usual,hearing about the trials and tribulations of their week.The whole time I was very fearful of stepping on the scales as I knew my lapses would hit me in the face full on

As I thought (well actually not nearly as bad as I had predicted) I had gained weight for the first time in 23 weeeks - 1.3 lbs

G may as well have said 1 stone 3 lbs it was too much and the floodgates well and truly opened

As I knew they would both of my fellow remaining group members were right there for me (made me cry harder )
I felt kind of as though I had let them down as well as myself (critical parent crooked thinking or what!!)

We went into group and S came into her own at last

I arrived feeling like s**t and left feeling more positive than I had felt in weeks

I managed to see how my lapses were all part of what is expected on the route to management (yes I kind of missed the word ROUTE )
S convinced me that the foodpacks were easy in comparison and that the really hard bit is now - I had heard her say this previously but had clearly not been really listening (? euphoria )

I was also able to recognise that I had managed the lapses in my own way by employing strategies that the old me would never have used.

Evidence if any was ever required that attending the group sessions religiously is totally necessary if the programme has any chance of working!

So I feel as though I'm back on track and hooray the scales agreed with me this morning

My friends in the group are brilliant...I feel a bit bloody blessed to know them

Comments

Balance and perspective

2008-06-16T14:15:34+02:00

Day 2 Week 2 RTM

Ok...so I lost the plot just a tad

Today I have been thinking (ouch ) and you know I am totally sick of thinking...about

food...about diets...weight loss.....weight gain....and all the psycho-babble that comes with it!

I am and always will be compulsive/impulsive in everything I do,it has often landed me in hot

water - accepting that is tough but it doesn't make me a terrible person just honest

in word and rash in actions

I am learning how to control things and it's not going to be easy.

I will have to un-learn everything with regards to food and eating...hence abstaining becomes

suddenly very attractive!

Abstinence controlled things FOR me.

Now I have lost my parachute and am flying alone...because no matter how much support I have, I am

in charge of me

I need to take that fact and somehow celebrate it >" class="middle" border="0"> but use it as a building block for

something stronger.

Perspective is important here as I always tend to swing between everything being either fabulous

or dreadful

I need some balance.

I also have terrible stomach cramps (whinge...moan....whine )

Have measured self as felt bloated and completely pre-flippin'-menstrual, and have lost a total of

34 inches (blimey!)

Finally ....the sun is out at last and my children are still as gorgeous and brilliant as

ever therefore I am very lucky

Wave to me guys!!

Ps.Is there actually a place called Snodland? or did I mis-hear the travel person on the radio

just now?

PPs. Am totally lovin' the dreadful Big Brother this year >" class="middle" border="0"> simply because the way people behave is interesting after all the CBT I have sat through. Mr & Mrs image-is-everything-embarrassing-parents-ego-maniacs-R-us have me in stitches

PPPs. Did I mention that I sat my final sign language exam last on 5th June? will find out result in 6 weeks time

I think that's everything for now

Comments

On the wagon - off the wagon - on the wagon

2008-06-15T20:01:10+02:00

Day 1 Week 2 RTM

Oh dear ......wasn't joking when I told y'all about said pea-type-brain was I?

was bimbling along on the RTM plan quite nicely until Thursday evening when I first heard

them

Yes...those voices coming from the biscuit tin/cupboard/crisp drawer/fridge...you name it!

What in GOD'S NAME IS GOING ON???

I resisted until Friday evening (there's an old behaviour rearing it's oh so fecking ugly head) when I proceeded to inform new slim self that it would be PERFECTLY acceptable just to NIBBLE on a rich tea biccy and that a handful of mixed nuts and raisins wouldn't do THAT much damage

Saturday was more like careering down the side of a mountain than falling off a wagon
The two handfuls of fruit and fibre 3 biscuits and inch of toblerone made me feel just flamin' dandy for oooh all of TWO NANO-FUCKING-SECONDS!!!

Yes folks the pea-brain lost control

Managed to hurl self upstairs,into study and onto PC to print some large STOP signs which I have pinned onto the offending items (all the yummy stuff in the entire house)

Have been fine ever since (apart from 3 brazil nuts ) but am DEEPLY concerned at this bizarre behaviour of mine
Have had no period for 12 weeks now and it felt very similar to the PMT craving carb frenzies of old, but that is probably just what I would like to believe....the truth is I was being a complete pig

S did say that it would be all ups and downs on the RTM - but I was doing so very well

Have sacrificed packs and been having only 2 a day to try and redeem self

MUST FOCUS
MUST FOCUS
MUST........... ......FOCUS

Thank goodness I have been blessed with the best friends a girl could have...otherwise the fall might well have been much longer and bumpier (it hurt enough as it was )

I think I am back on track.....but if this weekend has taught me anything it is that complacency is NOT ON THE AGENDA

Weigh-in Tuesday night....am truly dreading it

ooh am allowed diet lemonade now

Comments

Doing well

2008-06-11T19:41:51+02:00

Day 5 -week 1- Route to management (RTM)

Hey fellow bloggers!

Am at last feeling a bit better

Brilliant news on the weigh-in front too!

bimbled along last evening not expecting anything to have happened apart from a slight gain as I have now been eating one meal, 3 foodpacks and 4 litres of water a day since Saturday....... only 3.5 lbs off!!

You could have knocked me down with that proverbial feather (literally as am still a little feeble )

So am very happy with total weight loss of 3 stones and 11 lbs

now relatively un-scary BMI 22.3 LL scales made me 52kgs (mine less but not playing the scales game anymore)

The RTM plan is wicked introducing different foods very slowly is far more enticing than a foodie free for all

Am enjoying protein such as chicken slowly roasted with chilli,lemon juice and soy sauce along with crunchy salad leaves and celery...I know it sounds dull to y'all but to me it tastes AMAZING!!

Am having no problems so far on the temptation front (aside from the 2 chilled glasses of champagne with hubby to celebrate the end of foundation >" class="middle" border="0">)

I am allowed skimmed milk in my coffee OMG!! it tastes exquisite

The focus is on savouring the experience of mealtimes...something I had lost completely among all the other issues I was attempting to deal with....very badly

All in all apart from a hideous sore throat, hacking cough,mother recovering from total hip replacement in Gosport (long drives backwards and forwards to visit),eldest daughter with the flu and overtired SERIOUSLY grumpy husband...I am doing fab! have pair of size 6 jeans >" class="middle" border="0"> and am looking forward to tomorrow

Kisses to all

Comments

Feeling Yuck!

2008-06-04T09:07:23+02:00

Day 141

oh dear.....feeling poorly.
Am taking antibiotics for a urine infection and don't think they agree with me
Have had to take 2 days sick from work (that went down well!)

Weigh-in last night lost 1 lb only but not that suprised as I feel like my body is rebelling a bit

Scary BMI 22.9 (yay!)

So first week on management....I will start the 'proper' food on Saturday

I feel rubbish and I am going back to bed

Comments

A plan at last

2008-05-29T09:52:46+02:00

Day 135

well it was the weigh-in on Tuesday evening again another 2lbs off!
Total weight loss now >" class="middle" border="0"> 3 stones 7.5 lbs >" class="middle" border="0">
Scary BMI 23 dead on!

my scales say 52.9 kgs today

Decision time

So after some discussion in the group (have to say my fellow LL'ers are so much better at sorting out my head than the counsellor ) It was decided that 1 more week on the packs and Route to management will begin next Wednesday

There are so many issues relating to food for me that it really took some doing to come to that decision.
I just want to enjoy the experience of being slim and happy but I have to regain some control myself and believe that if I follow the management plan to the letter as I have followed the foodpack programme...it will work.

One of my group pointed out that I had no faith in the LL diet at the start and here I am three and a half stone lighter......why can't it be the same for RTM?

Unfortunately I need to eat to live so unlike other addictions I cannot never go near the substance again so time to bite the bullet >" class="middle" border="0">

The management programme is low GI and they start you off on one meal and 3 foodpacks a day so I will still have the element of control there.
Plus shed loads of counselling and support over the next 12 months.
When I think of another year of support I kind of breathe a huge sigh of relief....whatever happens It wont be just me anymore

Actually I am quite excited at the challenge

We have had some dreadful half term weather kids are going stir crazy

I can just see the sun trying to peep out as I am writing this

Taking them all ice-skating today! should be a giggle....for them watching me end up on my a$$

Is there a sun dance?
kind of like a rain dance...and if so can someone DO ONE!!!

"Good plans shape good decisions. That's why good planning helps to make elusive dreams come true.”

Comments

Bloody Weather!

2008-05-26T11:34:09+02:00

Day 132

Oh dear ...had plans to take the children to the local county show followed by a long laze in the garden on the hammock

It's raining

It's cold

Yesterday I got on my bike! first time in about 2 years for the time being I think I will try to stick to straight roads found my thigh muscles alright!

Have spent all weekend washing,Ironing,cleaning...nothing left to clean

Guess I am missing my hubby

'tis our small dog's birthday today, 3 years since he came to us....cannot believe we wrapped new collar and lead in pretty paper and gave it to him this morning

I knew I was losing my mind.......

What to do when it's raining ????
Answers on a postcard......actually please post here

Finished CV and begging (ahem) covering letter & posted on Saturday
fingers crossed

Diet wise....tomorrow I have to decide if it's time to finish development and head off into the unknown territory that is Route To Management
I weigh 53.9kgs now.

Funny how the mind works.....began to bargain with myself that when I reach 50kgs I will come off the packs I am just reallly frightened to do it

Am hoping that my counsellor will take control as I sure as hell don't know how to!
It is beyond bizzarre that I miss eating and all that goes with it so very much but feel so safe on the foodpacks and my routine that I could quite happily do it forever

Think I will ask for some help

My sister is away on holiday in Greece.....hubby away....best mate in portsmouth ...woe is me

please send me something to cheer me up folks

"Remember even though the outside world might be raining, if you keep on smiling the sun will soon show its face and smile back at you.”

Comments

Nearly There

2008-05-21T10:25:44+02:00

Day 127

Result!

Weigh-in last night......Another 3.5 lbs lost total weight loss now 3 stones 5 lbs

I am VERY proud to say that I tip the scales at 8 stones 7 lbs

Scary BMI (not so scary anymore) currently 23.4 >" class="middle" border="0">

I could not stay as my hubby is working away and children would have been home alone so just popped in and picked up my foodpacks for the week.
If my BMI is 23 dead on or 22 point something next Tuesday I will move into what the call Route To Management (RTM)
As I understand it this is where the counsellor 'teaches' you to eat again - sounds weird but I have no clue where to begin!
You would think I would want to nosh everything in sight, but actually I feel very safe on the packs as I do not have to choose anything beyond which flavour to have

So the counselling will continue which has to be a positive thing, and the packs also continue but become less as you introduce different foods. (I think that is how it works)

I must move with it with a positive mind set
and truly believe that like S,G and K who are all years post-LL - I will not gain the weight back again

Having this new energy and confidence has changed my whole life.........why would I want to go back to the old miserable,paranoid sluggish individual that I used to be?

Answer = I DO NOT AND WILL NOT >" class="middle" border="0"> >" class="middle" border="0">

Soozy, the theory regarding my Robins and the cat would have been feasible but for the fact that the cat would have had to absail up the side of the house to reach the nest lol
Whatever happened...they have gone..but It was nice while they were with me

I am busy re-writing my CV as I am considering moving back into the NHS as a theatre nurse.
I have been a practice nurse for the last 3 years (used to be a sister on a busy medical unit) and now I feel confident enough to get back 'out there' so fingers crossed I can pull it off

I miss my Hubby loads - he is away for 3 whole weeks in Europe the house is tidy and organised,the ironing is all done and the toilet seat is down but the other half of me is missing and I can't wait for him to come home.
By then we will be able to share that bottle of bubbly that has been sitting in the fridge since christmas (one glass and I will be zonked after no alcohol for 5 months )

Have a good week and should you happen to see the sunshine on your travels........please direct it towards Camberley

“The best reason for having dreams is that in dreams no reasons are necessary.”

Comments

Robins are missing!

2008-05-15T12:45:28+02:00

Day 121

Very worried Went to look in on Mrs Robin and her family of 4 only to find an empty nest!

Not even a feather left

no sign of Mum anywhere either.

I am a bit sad.....they were only 10 days old, surely that's too young to fly?

Quick LL update....lost another 1.5lbs last week and scary BMI 24.1

S reckons another 2 weeks of packs...and I am relieved as am suffering from mouth ulcers and serious eyelash alopecia

Aiming to begin management in 3 weeks so it's all good >" class="middle" border="0">

where oh where has the sunshine gone to???

anyone with any ideas on my baby robins please let me know

Comments

Measuring Up

2008-05-08T09:23:35+02:00

Day 114

As this is my sort of personal diary to reflect upon when I need some inspiration to avoid putting back on all that I have worked SO damn hard to lose, I thought I should record my loss in inches so far.

Bust now 35" that's 6.5" off
Waist now 27.5" that's 10" off
Hips now 34" that's 8.5" off

so in total I am 25 inches smaller!
oh yes and one shoe size down!!

I am still a bit bemused that my losses are less than the rest of the group as I am shorter and have less to lose

S told me that It takes less energy to burn fat from a small person than a larger one

maybe one day I will find someone who can explain that properly?

I am counting down the days until I can begin to eat again even chicken breast and lettuce leaves sound like luxury at this moment in time!

My Robin family are still doing well and remain safe
the babies are very noisy - I do feel sorry for the mum....she looks knackered!!

“Focus on your potential instead of your limitations”

Comments

Yay!

2008-05-07T09:10:02+02:00

Day 113

Weigh-in last night......another 2 lbs off making the total weight loss so far (wait for it 'cos I want to really relish this moment) 3 stones

Yep! only a month behind schedule but nevertheless

I did it

Scary BMI is now 24.4

Have a deflated chest situation going on though hmmm....must look at that in more detail at some point

Beautiful day today...sun is out....time to enjoy my life

At last

Have a good day all!

Comments

A bit hungry!

2008-05-05T12:47:05+02:00

Day 111

Gosh! Doesn't time fly?

Last Tuesday evening's weigh-in saw another 2.5lbs off total loss now 2 stones 12lbs (more by my scales tho')
Scary BMI is now 24.8 = HEALTHY!!!

Had a chat with S and now I have a goal! Am aiming for BMI of 23 which equates to 53.4kgs
at least I know where I am headed - finally

My scales tell me I am 56.5kgs and LL scales put me at 58.7kgs, but whichever way I look at it I am getting there.

I still have not deviated atall (I can't believe that either but it's 100% true) not so much as a grain of rice or a lick of cake mix from the spoon

My motivation was helped along by the fact that I am sitting here in size 8 jeans >" class="middle" border="0"> Also I recieved my before and after pics from S on Tuesday evening OMG! How did I fool myself for so long??? The difference is astonishing..I will post them here when I reach my goal weight (if I am brave enough)

I am so happy that I did this...my confidence is back and I am feeling good

Four new members joined our LL group last week which was a bit weird as we are week 16 and thy were on day 3.
After some initial stumbling we all relaxed and I guess It's good for them to see how well we have done and that it will work if they stick to the programme.

New sexy car is sitting proudly in my garage....just need some sunshine so I can have the roof down

I have been looking after a robin's nest that the mum made in the little gap we have for an air conditioning pipe in our bedroom, yesterday the babies hatched Awwwwwwww I have been watching mummy Robin come back and forth with little tit-bits for her 4 offspring and I was actually welling up!
The wee ones are so...........vulnerable

I will take some pics in a few days, but I don't want to stress the mum at the moment.

Have a fab bank holiday out there in blogland

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”

Comments

milestone approaching!

2008-04-23T13:50:27+02:00

Day 99

Yep! Almost there ..... my 100 day milestone tomorrow

Hmmm ......but remaining in abstinence so not really that much of an exciting event

Weigh-in Yesterday evening was fine another 2.5 lbs lost..total weight loss is 2 stones 9.9lbs

We had a great group session S gave us a paper exercise to do where we made a fan and wrote our name on the outside then passed it around and everyone wrote something nice about you on each of the folds.

Well deserved strokes gave us all a nice fuzzy warm feeling...doesn't take much to make a person feel good and worthwhile,just a few kind words is all.

Drank 5 litres of water every day last week but cannot sustain it purely due to the amount of time spent in the ladies!

4 times through the night no thanks! I need my beauty sleep too much

Looks like my mini has sold and going to see my new sexy wheels tomorrow hopefully it will be ready by saturday after my hair appointment (thats what I call a nice weekend )

Have to go to work and jab lots of babies so taking my paracetamol and nurofen plus prophylactically

apologies for dullness of post but am in a tearing hurry.......

Comments

On the up

2008-04-19T12:37:31+02:00

Day 95

Well...Now I guess I realise that there are some not very nice folk willing to try to wreck your day with a nasty remark or two here in blogland I decided to delete the particularly nasty one from someone calling him or herself 'Disgruntled', and hope that they won't bother to visit anymore.

As in life....and my feeling is the same here as there,Do something every day to make others happy - even if it's only to LEAVE THEM ALONE!!

Anyway, despite everything I'm on the up once again full of renewed determination and positivity

I peeked at the scales at home this morning...57.3kgs so am happy that things are continuing in the right direction.

In group on Tuesday I had a chat with my LLC and she hopes that I will only be in abstinence for another 4 weeks, moving into management 5 weeks from now.

:-[" class="middle" border="0"> Grrr at self for thinking 100 days would be long enough :-[" class="middle" border="0">

The only down side to that is that only one of my group (such as it is now) will be coming with me as the rest have more to lose.
I am dreading the change,but thats usual for me...I hate change (am scaredy cat )
Hopefully though it will only be a few weeks and the rest will follow us.

Really really really really wish it was Summer as for the first time in about 5 years I am not worried about summer clothes and just want to get out there and enjoy it......erm...we need some sun first though!

Big shout out to my ever-present virtual keeper-of-the-faith........ Soozyb who happens to be doing fantastically well on her own Lighter Life journey. Just wanted to say how fab you are and thank you for being out there >" class="middle" border="0">

Not much doing this weekend.
Picking up my sexy new car next Saturday.......who needs chocolate for that feel-good factor?

Weigh-in Tuesday will post scary BMI update afterwards.

Take care fellow bloggers and thanks for being here with me

“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is 'thank you', it will be enough.”

Comments

Peturbed

2008-04-13T11:54:14+02:00

Day 89

Ok...So 89 Days in and 100% stuck to the programme.

No lapses....No Hiccups......

Weight this morning 59.4kgs....

Yes, I should still be on top of the world

and I was.....

Until....

My very good friend rang and was talking to Gary as I was out at the time.

The conversation turned to The Cambridge Diet (similar to Lighter Life but not quite as brutal as I understand it) that she had started two days previously and had to finish as she had felt unwell.
He then mentioned my diet plan. Before I began this,I chose who I would be confiding in and who I did not want to tell but as I am nearly through foundation I wasn't too fussed by the fact that she now knew.
When she rang me the following day and we started to talk about what I was doing (after the initial lecture about why didn't I tell her) she said "You do know that you will put all the weight back on as soon as you start eating again?" followed by "I don't know anyone who has kept the weight off after doing that diet" followed by "one of my friends lost 8 stones on Lighter Life and gained it all back plus an extra stone" and finlly "If you lose anymore you will look awful"

At the time I answered with a fair degree of positivity and we moved along to other things.

It was only later on that evening that I started to feel really anxious about all that she had said, and Now I am distraught

What if she is right?
Why am I going to be any different to all the other people that she knows?
What if this has all been for nothing?

I am also really cross that a friend could wipe out all of my newly acquired self confidence in one fail swoop

This has been so so hard.

If I had been recieving medical treatment for something would she have said "you do know as soon as this treatment has finished you will get sick again"

I need to get positive again...but I don't know how

HELP!

Comments

Feeling Good

2008-04-08T22:51:12+02:00

Day 84

Just a quickie

Weigh-in this evening another 4.1 lbs lost
Scary BMI now 25.9 (not quite so scary anymore although a lot more scary than the 22.5 I am aiming towards)

Total weight loss so far 2 stones and 6 lbs
Current weight on LL scales 61.4kgs
(mine 60.1kgs....why is the difference between scales becoming smaller? )

Only 6 of us left in the group now we have lost 9 along the way.

There was a great feeling within the group tonight.....some have lost 3 stones some 2 but we are ALL able to see a difference at last

Am going to try to increase water intake to 4.5 litres as from tomorrow (oh oh there's that old 'tomorrow' mentality creeping back!
Would do it today but am up 3 times for a wee in the night as it is

Day 85 tomorrow...don't know why, but that was always a major milestone for me...so will do a little jig when I get up on the morrow to celebrate.....

Did I mention?.......YIPPEE!

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.”
~Helen Keller~

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Even Keel

2008-04-07T22:17:32+02:00

Day 83

Wow! That sounds like I'm actually getting somewhere now!

Had a lovely weekend up in Staffordshire with my Sister,Brother-in-law and my yummy scrummy oh-so-absoloutely-flippin'-gorgeous neices and nephew

Myself and my two youngest only as Hubby away in Manchester with work and eldest working.

I finally filled Sis in on what I have been doing on the LL plan she was totally cool with it and really interested >" class="middle" border="0">
No lectures or negative vibes there

We all went to a lovely Italian restaurant on Saturday evening, you know the kind of place where the garlic bread is dripping and the pizzas are the size of the planet

I took my soup along and we had a fab time.....me on the sparkling H20 and Sis having my share of the vino >" class="middle" border="0">

It so isn't about the food....just about being all together

Found myself ice skating on Sunday afternoon lol

Managed to stay upright and really enjoyed it...now searching ebay for a pair of skates...why not? was always to paranoid about people seeing a whale tumble over on the ice not anymore!!!

Finished up with bowling this morning before we left for home

So all in all a lovely weekend

Came home and happily chucked out ALL my size 14 and 12 jeans and trousers went and replaced them with size 10's

what a great feeling! and even better that they fit comfortably

Weigh in tomorrow evening (Week 13) and yes...I still dread it

Have not sinned one tiny little bit in the whole 83 days and I feel as if the emotional roller coaster type feelings are diminishing at long last...am feeling on a bit more of an even keel now.

Am thinking about what to do in 17 days time when foundation comes to an end..and I have to say right now I really think I will continue on the foodpacks for maybe a month after Day 100.(NEVER thought that would enter this ole pea-brain

Will report in tomorrow after weigh-in,hopefully still smiling
Oh ..did anyone see Dr Who this weekend? >" class="middle" border="0"> >" class="middle" border="0"> >" class="middle" border="0">

“A sister is both your mirror - and your opposite.”

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Proud

2008-04-03T09:10:51+02:00

Back home from Tenerife

The weather was just gorgeous! 35* one day!

Hotel fabulous, suite with plunge pool......stunning views.....oh yes and all that.......FOOD!!!

Champagne on arrival,fresh fruit and chocolates in our room,5 restaurants, nuts and bar snacks on every table, endless ice cream places goodness me! what else do folk go on holiday for apart from to munch

I did myself proud

A little tricky explaining to the maître d' what was required regarding my shakes and soups (next time will write it down in whatever language is appropriate before I go!)
Apart from the usual internal struggles that were going on in my pea brain....I found that not only could I stick to the plan 100%, but had to push myself to get the foodpacks down atall

We walked loads,saw loads,swam loads and sunbathed loads

I had no worries about my bikini...and was THRILLED to wear my size 10 jeans! >" class="middle" border="0"> >" class="middle" border="0"> >" class="middle" border="0">

Hubby told me I looked in his words 'stunning' one evening (that's amazing as he is a man of very few words usually)and I felt 10 feet tall

My confidence was back and I realised it is not how other people see me..it's how I feel inside and I was feeling great!
Even had photo taken!!!!!!!!!! BIG achievement

Back down to earth yesterday with the rain and the grey skies

Popped in to get my foodpacks for the week as I had missed my group on Tuesday, K insisted I was weighed (meanie " class="middle" border="0">) and I am another 2 and a half pounds down so total loss so far is 2 stones and 2 pounds

I was a wee bit worried that I may have stayed the same as my water intake was only about 3 litres daily (just got fed up with it for a bit ....'twas my version of a very small scale rebellion )

Hubby's 40th birthday yesterday also and we had a party for him in the evening (more food and drink mountains! )

Yet again I drank only water and not a morsel passed my lips

Day 79 today already into week 12

Am off to go replace my work trousers with size 10's and banish the 12's and 14's to the rubbish bin forever

One more social challenge this weekend. We are off to see my sister and her family in B'ham, but out of everyone she is the most supportive and will hopefully not try to feed me

“Show class, have pride, and display character. If you do, winning takes care of itself.”

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Still plodding on!

2008-03-26T10:38:30+01:00

Day 71 ~ Week 11

Well, no fab news I'm sorry to say

Loss was only 1 and a half pounds which takes the total to 1 stone 13 and a half pounds (typical )
So not quite at the 2 stone milestone yet.

(my scales make me 62.1kgs LL scales made me 64.4kgs so I can pretend I have made the 2 stones LOL )

It was really odd as no-one lost anything above 2 lbs this week ~ and those that are left in the group all follow the diet to the letter.

We did talk about it as a couple of people gained a pound and were understandably pissed off!

What cleared it up for me was S saying if all you are doing is having the packs and the water then you KNOW it cannot be fat, it must be fluid retention.

I really feel as though the weather (I know....I know sounds stoopid ) being so very cold must have some effect on the body needing to conserve energy.
I actually cannot remember EVER feeling warm!

This may change on Friday >" class="middle" border="0"> as Hubby and I are off to Tenerife for 5 days

The plan was New York...but I will surely die of Hypothermia if he takes me there

It's all a bit scary as I will be on the packs and no alcohol for the first holiday EVER
S helped me a lot with this last night in group using the thought record format, and we managed to turn the apprehension into some positivity
This is when the group comes into it's own...when you need extra support and encouragement

Whatever else happens ....I am determined to find the sun!

“I always feel sorry for people who think more about a rainy day ahead than sunshine today.”

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Doh!

2008-03-19T10:24:16+01:00

What can I say?

That's what I get for being all excited......

Half a pound

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Pondering

2008-03-16T12:26:13+01:00

Raining yet again here in suburbia

I am praying for a nice few days ~ maybe a glimpse of sunshine just to brighten this general glumness (not myself particularly, I just tend to notice the knock-on effect in my patients)

April 2nd is Hubby's 40th I am really looking forward to March 28th, as we are going away for a long weekend somewhere WARM! >" class="middle" border="0">
We are going to go for a last minute thing and take our chances ~ wherever we end up it has to be better than Camberley in the rain

Am on Day 61 and still following the plan to the letter.
Have finally discovered that "beautiful detatchment from food" that S has been raving about since Day 1

Was in the queue waiting to pay for petrol yesterday, right in front of all the goodies (choccie bars, crisps, nuts, muffins etc) and found myself thinking how pretty the wrappers were honestly! The last time I was in that very same place, I damn well nearly hyperventilated with anxiety and deep longing

Also, last night, whilst preparing Hubby big fat juicy steak with peppercorn sauce, cheesy mash and peas I felt nothing-nought-zip-nada-big fat zero and THAT is a first.

I also had a think about when might be the right time to go into management. I am currently 65kgs. We have never discussed a goal weight but in my mind I have 57kgs. My lightest weight ever was 50kgs, and that was pre-babies, early 20's, so all things considered I believe 57kgs to be a S.M.A.R.T goal

I have also concluded that I cannot go back to eating tasteless gloopy stodge - ever!
I am looking at protein and vegetables as a possible, but I know that I will be guided by S. Identification of trigger foods is another exercise yet to be explained, though I have a pretty good idea that mine will include all the carbs and much of the dairy.

It is a bit of a minefield to say the least.

I have to admit that in week 1 when S said to us "you will one day find yourselves wishing you could go back to foodpacks" we guffawed loudly and thought collectively 'yeah, right'

I have to concede that there is a distinct possibility that the woman does know what she is talking about after all

As for my online LL buddies Soozy and Emma.......I am so delighted to see that they have both done so, so well and have zoomed along at a rate of knots
It is weird to hear their up's and down's - so very similar to my own
What is also great is that it is not just my own story now

Weigh-in again Tuesday night and as TOTM still eludes me (why is it so late again?)am presuming that the loss will be negligible.
I am praying to touch the 2 stone mark..please pray along with me strength in numbers an' all that!

“The future is not something we enter. The future is something we create.”

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Short....but very sweet

2008-03-15T19:03:03+01:00

Only one thing to say today

Day 60 !!!!

“Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available.”

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Tickled pink

2008-03-12T10:27:29+01:00

It seems that just when I think I know exactly how my body is going to behave ~ actually I don't

Any other time just before TOTM it's water retention,bloating & weight gain.
When I arrived at LL last evening I hung around at the back in an effort to delay the horridness (new word ) that I KNEW was coming when I got on the scales

WRONG AGAIN

Another 4 lbs lost

So...thats a total of 1st 12 lbs (26 lbs ~ can't decide which sounds better >" class="middle" border="0">)
Scary BMI is now 27.5

E took the group last night as S was on holiday (how dare she? )and explained that the water is responsible for the decrease in nasty monthly symptoms and also reduces period pains! I have consequently vowed to continue the daily 4 litres for the rest of my life!

We were measured again in group which is truly fascinating to watch. E showed us 'the gap' which is done buy putting the tape measure around you where it was on Day 1 of the programme.
I was happy with my own measurements ~ a total of 18 1/2 inches down, but seeing how much the others in the group had shrunk was such a buzz!
Some one had lost 11 inches just from her waist!! One of the others made me giggle as she observed that 'you could fitwhole Victoria Beckham through that gap'

We were all very buoyant after that and didn't get much else done in group, but I think it provided a much needed lift for everyone.

I am no longer hungry thank the lord!
Perhaps it was the old pre-menstrual carb craving thing last week?

Yesterday at work one of the GP's got all flustered trying to work out what was different about me, it was so funny! She lives at the best of times on planet Zog, so for her to notice was confirmation enough for me that my weight loss is at long last noticeable

So, Day 57 today...Start of Week 9.

I feel very positive and inspired all over again.
My LL blogees are doing brilliantly so far losing far more than I did at that stage ~ you go girls!!

"This life is yours. Take the power to choose what you want to do and do it well. Take the power to love what you want in life and love it honestly. Take the power to control your own life. No one else can do it for you. Take the power to make your life happy."

Susan Polis Schutz

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In a hurry!

2008-03-11T15:01:54+01:00

Hello there fellow bloggers / blogees?

Day 56

Not much time to update today ~ in between shifts.

Just to report, no lapses just EXTREME hunger pangs!

Went to London on Saturday evening, actually managed to sit in a pub with a sparkling mineral water
Was a bit torturous walking past all the lovely thai/chinese/indian restaurants though

Have weigh-in tonight but am not expecting much as am close to TOTM (again).

Week 9 here we come

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Spirits lifted

2008-03-05T11:10:32+01:00

Another Milestone! Today I am 50 Days into foundation! ahem... not that I've been counting

Am so happy to report that last night's weigh-in was....BLOODY FANTASTIC

I lost another 4 lbs, bringing total weight loss to 1 stone 8lbs
Scary BMI now 28.1

I know 4 pounds is not a huge amount, but for me it was such a relief to see a significant result after 3 small losses in a row.

We have lost another two group members

S did say that at this halfway point many people just cannot face the thought of spending the same amount of time all over again in abstinence. Personally, I feel happy to continue - even safe where I am and actually the thought of eating 'real food' kind of scares me right now.

In group (what is left of it) we looked at thought records and 'Hot' thoughts'.

Initially this sounded like more psycho-babble terminology, but S actually got us thinking about situations that are familiar to us as individuals and to break down our thoughts and feelings into percentages - the highest percent being the hot thought. We then looked at the actual evidence for that thought. This made me chuckle because there is actually very little evidence ...if any atall for much of the negativity and paranoia that trundles through my pea-brain on a daily basis

The key is to take a step back and try to change the hot thought into a more realistic one. I think that is a skill that requires much practice (like years) ~ but I am going to jot some thoughts down over this next week and see if I can give it a go.

S did say something that really caught my attention.
She said that we would never dream of saying the things that we say to ourselves every day to another human being ~ and if we did say them, someone would probably hit/arrest/sack us or lock us away

That is so true.

Why in God's name do I continuously berate myself for simply...being?

Everything from appearance,weight,dress sense,my home,children, performance at work,driving,sex....
This has to stop! it's no bloody wonder I have been so depressed...and so fat
If someone else was as nasty to me as I have been to myself.....I would have to find some comfort somewhere.....oh yes ...that'll be the FOOD then

Hmmm...methinks the penny may be beginning to drop

I guess there may something in this therapy game after all

It is my birthday this Friday

Traditionally it is the BEST excuse for a boozathon dressed up as dinner with friends.
Not so this year!
Trouble is....am racking my pea-brain to try and come up with something just as fun but that doesn't involve eating or drinking

Any ideas will be very gratefully recieved

Next Tuesday S is going to measure us again and I am actually looking forward to that, as last time we were all really pleased ~ much more with the tape measure than with the scales

I now have two fellow Lighter-lifers keeping in touch via blog (not from my group)

They are both at the beginning of their journeys and so far doing BRILLIANTLY

I am so delighted to have their support here in blogland ~ support and encouragement are priceless gifts.

Thank you ladies

"Having never received any words of encouragement myself, I'm not sure how they're supposed to sound. But here goes: I believe in you."

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Determination

2008-02-28T14:34:31+01:00

Day 44 ~ That magic half way point is moving ever closer

Tuesday was the weekly weigh-in (am thinking that a fortnightly weigh-in would be more inspiring)

I lost another 2.7 pounds
Bringing my total weight loss so far to 1 stone 4 1/2 pounds
Average weight loss 3.2 pounds a week ~ not bad!

My scary BMI is now sitting at 28.9
I am aiming for a healthy 25 (in my dreams? )

I am suddenly finding food very very tempting again ~ there doesn't seem to be any particular physical reason for this, more a psychological sort of "I've done so well, a small treat seem to be in order" vibe

So......I MUST STAY DETERMINED!!!

We have reached week 7, half way through the CBT. S talked to us about crooked thinking and I had one of those moments where what she was saying really made absolute sense - I could relate to it completely.
Unfortunately there were no tips on how to alter this way of thinking about things...maybe that will be next time?

Our group was very thin on the ground this week (no pun intended)
only 7 of us and there is generally a bit of a tired feeling, like anything else...I suppose motivation waxes and wanes.
Personally, I need to attend every week. It is a really important part of the programme for me

“Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.”

Marie Curie

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